I have a tendency to be a nice person. Call it a weakness, if you will; I can’t seem to help myself at times. That being the case, I typically choose the agreeable side of an argument, often grant the benefit of the doubt, and frequently attempt to bridge the gap in communication that derails even the most mundane of conversations. When I find myself being more direct in how I communicate things, I’m careful to ensure that I’m articulating the actual matter at hand and not interjecting my own thoughts, opinions, or feelings. Thus my Facebook posts are generally more polite, understanding, and considerate. I’m going to do my best in this blog to remove those self-imposed boundaries and state truth as I see it.
Memorial Day is a solemn holiday intended to preserve the memory of those who have died while in active military service to the United States. It is anything but a happy, festive day. Our country recovered from a nasty, bitter war that pitted brother against brother. We came through that and were once again unified, but not without the pain of knowing what we had done to ourselves. In an attempt to never forget the lives that were lost, we designated one day per year that we would choose to remember those that died in our Civil War. It is that remembering, I believe, that maintained the unity in our country for the century that followed. By remembering the sacrifices that were made, we are continuously aware of the ugliness that is war, of the disgusting nature of combat, and of the blood that had been shed on our very own soil which made us the country we are today. It is that reminder that we carry on throughout history, as we’ve expanded the observation of Memorial Day to include every war we have been involved in since the Civil War.
Memorial Day is not a sad day, but it is a very necessary day. It is necessary for America because there are those who live every day with the memory of a loved one who was lost, and there are those who live every other day with no conscious thought to the sacrifices that were made in their stead. By having a set aside day, we all come under one accord and level the playing field, if you will. It gives those who grieve the necessary accompaniment to bear their grief. And it gives those who rejoice the grounded foundation with which to accurately appreciate the freedoms they enjoy. But most importantly, it reminds us, as a country, of what our country could become if not protected from within.
I’m embarrassed for someone when I hear them wish someone else a happy Memorial Day, because it shows their ignorance (or is it lack of proper education?) of the origin. The same goes for when people thank me for my service in the military on Memorial Day (or any day, for that matter; but that’s a personal peeve). There is no “service” that any living person has given that should be thanked on Memorial Day. Doing so cheapens the deaths that are to be memorialized. But, being my polite self, I don’t typically say such things in person. It’s too easy for people to write me off as rude. So I politely smile, nod, and move on with my life.
It worries me somewhat that Americans have forgotten what Memorial Day is about. The very fact that we are forgetting our special day of remembrance is a sign that we are on the path of repeating our history. I see warning signs of an impending civil war in our own society, as the “war on the middle class” clashes with the “war against poverty” and other types of “class warfare.” I’m afraid that our next civil war won’t be as neat and clean, divided by geographical lines and different color coats. I’m concerned that my children may have to experience an America torn apart from the inside, ripped not only at the seams, but at every stitch of thread that holds the fabric together. We’re allowing talking heads in a box to tell us what we want, how to think, where to go, and who to love. This is a very sad time.
This Memorial Day, I’d like to encourage America to remember the Civil War. Since you’re off of work anyway, spend about 30 minutes researching what brought it about, how it started, how it was fought, and how it ended. You may be surprised to find that it’s not what you were taught in the history books, and slavery had very little to do with it (if anything). As George Santayana (1863-1952) said: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
My memories will be centered around my brother, Nicholas, whom I lost 3 years ago on June 7th. He was a great brother, father, son, husband, uncle, and Christ-follower. He was my very first friend, and much of what I’ve accomplished in my life has been either in competition with him, in spite of him, in following him, or in fighting him. I couldn’t have had a better role model for nearly 28 years of my life. One major lesson I learned from his death is that memories can be easily forgotten when they’re not actively recounted. Make an effort this Memorial Day to actively recount the significant memories not only in your life, but in this brief life our country has lived.
The Imperfect View 
Nice, Jason. You are right. I usually talk about my uncle or others who died in war. If someone thanks me for my service, I say you are welcome.
Outstanding…simply out f**king standing…keep writing.
Jason, you’re an excellent writer – I’ll be following your posts. (AND I’m glad to see you chose WordPress 🙂
Thanks Joya, I appreciate that. I’ll do my best to keep writing.
Great read and great writing….well said Jason!
Thank you very much Andrea.
Very nicely written.
Excellent and well spoken. I’m proud to call you family. Keep blogging!
Thank you!
Reblogged this on Wonderments and commented:
Thoughts from my cousin on Memorial Day. Well said.
Thank you for writing this. It was good for me to read it.
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for writing this. I could not agree more, but it is great to hear it from someone who has served. I just posted something similar to FB (though it was much less interesting – it has the same meaning). I will continue to follow your blog posts, so keep em’ coming!
Thanks Megan! I’ll do my best!
Jason, I stumbled upon your blog through Facebook and read through the whole thing before realizing who you were talking about. I went to school with Nick and didn’t know that he had passed on from this life. Thank you for the reminder of the true meaning of Memorial Day. I will be thinking of your brother today.
Thank you Matt. I appreciate that.
Well said Jason.
Thank you, Mr. Todd.
Reblogged this on The Imperfect View and commented:
Figured I’d share this again this year as another reminder.
Please forgive my ignorance. I am one of “those” who wish service men and women happy memorial day. And also thank them for their service.
I am ashamed that I unknowingly was causing offense to my military friends and loved ones.
Your blog truly was a well needed slap in my face. Thank you.
Jason, Thank you for your words. They are so very true. I too dislike when people “wish” others a Happy Memorial Day! and a side note you may not remember me but we attended Living Word church together. I knew you and your brother through our son Shonn Thomas. As well as your mom. You both were very kind and caring Christian young men.
Thank you.
I fully know the meaning of memorial day. My whole family wears red white and blue. We fly our flag. We visit my grandfathers grave. We talk to our children about how lucky we are to have our freedom thanks to the brave men who died for it. BUT we do thank every military personnel we see. We do it daily. It’s meant to be respectful. Sorry it annoys you. I do not believe that our eagerness to show our thankfulness cheapens the death of any of the fallen. I agree people need to get the meaning straight, but don’t look down on people for saying “happy memorial day” or thanking you for your service. It comes from a good, well meaning place. I, for one, am glad to see that people still care.
I completely agree!
I am shocked and saddened to learn that you are offended and consider it an insult to be thanked for your service. I sincerely do not understand this. I hope that you speaking of ‘only on Memorial Day’, for that is the ONLY way that what you have said makes sense to me. ALL who have served, in whatever capacity, including those active, those retired and those who have paid the ultimate price for our country, have my heartfelt appreciation. To express it – on no matter what day of the year – is almost a reflex action. How can we NOT be thankful and appreciative? How can we ‘withhold’ words of thanks when it is so little – so inconceivably miniscule, as compared to what has been given so unselfishly on our behalf? I am well aware that there is no way that we can ever repay or adequately thank our Military personnel who have served in whatever capacity, but putting a brief smile on the faces of those who are so thanked, to me, seems an appropriate, if insignificant gesture. What better or more fitting ‘living memorial’ to those who have paid the ultimate price for freedom, than to recognize those who still represent them and the nation and ideals for which they have given all? Surely you must know that every Military person we see reminds us of those who we loved, who are no longer here to receive our love and appreciation. Please accept my humble apology if my behavior has offended you or caused you discomfort in any way. That is the last thing I’d ever wish to do. My intention is simply, with a heart full of respect and thankfulness, to honor you and your fallen comrades. You are ALL loved and appreciated every day all year long.
My husband served in Viet Nam and it took until 2000 for someone to thank him for his military service. The fact that the Viet Nam war was an “unpopular” war always affected him terribly. He was a young Marine officer and literally put his life on the line every single day of his deployment (July 1969-1970). He was lucky to have been one of the lucky ones that made it home alive and intact. What he did find offensive was that people rarely thanked Viet Nam vets for their military service. He interrupted his life and his future in order to serve his country and he did it with pride. When the day finally came that someone thanked him for his military service he found it to be a very emotional experience. Not all military personnel (either active or inactive) find it offensive to be thanked for their military service.
Carol,
I’ve not suggested that all thanks from others are coming from a wrong place or going to the wrong person. I can only speak for myself, and that’s the only way I choose to speak. For me, it is wrong that I should be thanked for anything. I spent a total of 7 months of my life in Iraq and 3 years of my life in Afghanistan. Yet I will be the first to say that I do not deserve a thanks. I did nothing out of complete, selfless sacrifice. My time was compensated handsomely. I did not do it for service; I did it for duty. I don’t know what kind of job you had, but I don’t imagine there are many duties within your job description for which you would willingly tell your employer a resounding “no” when asked to perform them. It is the same with military servicemembers and their deployments.
The next case brought up from that point states that it is brave of us to merely enlist, simply because we understand the inherent risks of the job. I’d respond by pointing out the myriads of other jobs available to Americans today with MUCH higher casualty rates over the past 50 years, and their known risks. US Military service is actually not the most risky job we have to offer.
So we have people that thank every servicemember in uniform without knowing what their job is, what they did, whether they even deployed, etc. I get where people are coming from, but enough is enough. Shame on the servicemember who receives the gratitude in silence without setting the record straight. That is as good as lying. That’s all I’m trying to do, is point out that not all who have done X, Y, & Z should be called a “hero.” That term is entirely overused in our society today, and unfortunately it has a lot to do with the way our country treated our Vietnam veterans and the way we responded to their return. We’re trying to appease our guilt for our wrongs by wrongly assigning the overdue apologies and gratitude to the current generation. I’m happy it makes you feel better, but I’m also honest enough to let you know it doesn’t change anything. What Vietnam veterans went through was horrible, and it was compounded by the fact that so many of them were drafted and forced to serve involuntarily. They did not choose to go, but they were man enough to not dodge the draft, and that is to be commended. They absolutely deserve gratitude for their service, especially from those of us who did not go in their place, which forced them to be drafted involuntarily.
I was paid to do a job, and I did it. It’s as simple as that. The only sacrifices that were made were made by my family that had to be without me during that time. But my wife and children were taken care of financially during that time. In fact, it was I that owed many thanks to the people that surrounded my family during my time deployed, easing their burdens in my stead.
Here’s the real problem: All of this incessant thanking is creating swollen heads among an already entitled generation. I’ve personally seen young enlisted military men and women get in an uproar over being “mistreated;” not because they were actually mistreated, but because they felt they deserved extra special service because they simply went to boot camp for a few months and then were stationed in Japan for a bit. That kind of entitlement angers me, and when I see those kinds of people thanked by innocent civilians that have likely made more sacrifices in their life than that young man or woman, I feel COMPELLED to set the record straight.
In summary; Don’t just give a mindless thank you. Get to know the person instead. Ask their name. Ask where they’ve been. Ask if they can describe to you their duties and what they’ve done. You might find it fascinating, and everyone loves to talk about themselves. What you’ll accomplish in the 10 minutes it takes to do that will do SO MUCH MORE for you and that other person than a quick, unwarranted “thank you.” Make a connection with the military members you come into contact with, and you’ll find that they’re a person just like you, and you’ll have a new, realistic understanding of who they are. THAT is the American thing to do.
Slavery had everything to do with the Civil War.
http://avalon.law.yale.edu/19th_century/csa_missec.asp
And, unfortunately, people, such as yourself, making historically revisionist statements have everything to do with leading us down the path to another civil war.
Tim,
Thank you for commenting. I do not refute the document you’ve submitted as evidence for your case. However, war is never declared based upon one legal document alone. The confederacy had long had enough of the Union overstepping the sovereignty of their states and superimposing their laws upon neighboring states. Lincoln furthered the division. Historical accounts of Lincoln’s division of America are very synonymous with the divisive actions of our political parties today. We’re encouraged to hate those who simply disagree with us, and we use inflammatory terms to describe them. The Confederacy fought for more than just slavery; they fought for the sovereignty of the state over the will of the federal government. Sadly, that particular battle was lost, and we have what we have now. I’m not saying slavery was right. But because people can’t see past slavery for what was really going on at that time in our country’s history, people will inevitably defend the Union. It’s akin to calling someone a racist in an argument today. To suggest that the Union was in the wrong and the Confederacy was in the right smells as though one is suggesting slavery should still exist, when that’s not the argument at all. But because the winning side was able to spin all recounts of history to make it seem as it was ONLY about slavery, then we have people like you who refuse to look at the war for what it really was and how ugly it really was.
The Confederacy fought for the America that was founded; ugly problems and all. The Union re-instituted the long-held British empirical-type rule that we suffer from today; not the freedom we longed for. Inherent in true freedom is the freedom to be wrong. Abraham Lincoln and his tyrannical rule preferred to go to war with his own countrymen rather than allow another to be in the wrong.
Jason,
I cited one State’s DOI. I do believe there are more that claim preservation of slavery as their primary motivation for seccession. I never said that the Civil War was ONLY about slavery; I acknowedge the issue of states’ rights. You, OTOH, state that slavery had very little, if anything, to do with the CW. I was refuting that.
The concept that enslaving one’s brother, destroying whatever family he has been able to cull together, in the name of commerce, cannot be dismissed by the term “to be in the wrong”. If you really think that, then indeed, the term “racist” is well applied.
Um…while I understand (and agree!) your meaning when you say that not everyone who “serves” in the military should be called a hero and that except for Vietnam and whatever other war I’m not aware of were drafts and as such those military personnel had a choice to go or not join the miltary.
But I would dare to go even further and say that by the same token, not necessarily everyone who died was a “hero.” Because although those poor men and women might have BELIEVED they were doing the right thing and shouldn’t be blamed and should be thanked for their intentions, the fact that all the wars fought after the Civil War were quite frankly either imperialistic or fought in revenge (the USA didn’t get involved in WWII to “defend anyone’s democracy” like we like to claim now, but because they were attacked). Sadly, most wars today are anything BUT “defending” our country. They’re a poor excuse to go out and become what we hated (pretty much what England did) and we’re going out to invade and exploit other countries mostly for their oil and I’m sorry, but there’s NOTHING honorable about that. Fighting in a war because your country is being threatened is one thing, but going into another country to cause death and bloodshed is quite another.
After the Civil War, no other war has been fought on American soil and THAT tells you that our wars now are imperialistic and is in no way related to “preserving” our freedom. The USA not only spends FAAAAAR more in military than other more useful branches like education or healthcare, but it’s also hypocritical in trying to police and decide who gets to create nuclear arms when between it and Russia have about 90% of the world’s nuclear amrs. Peaceful nations don’t spend the vast majority of their GDP on military and peaceful nations don’t have more than a thousand nuclear weapons.
And THIS is the hypocrisy I hate. I don’t mind it when people want to remember those who served since most of them must have truly believed they were fighting and dying for their country, but I get very upset when the REST of us are made to feel GUILTY about other people dying in wars most of us “hippies” didn’t even want! If people want to avoid having their loved ones dying in wars , then why didn’t they go out with us to protests or write letters or go town hall meetings or inform their Senators or whoever that the war is VERY unpopular?! I feel bad that, the commenter’s family served in Vietnam and was never truly thanked until recently. Like I said, the troops themselves should not be blamed since they truly did believe they were doing what was right. But I want to make something clear. The war was unpopular from the beginning. The US government IGNORED this and drafted people anyway. Those same people that lost people in Vietnam or who fought in Vietnam are the same ones that laughed at, derided or even GOT VIOLENT with the very “hippies” who wanted to AVOID the war altogether and wanted troops to NOT be sent to die or kill! In order to prevent wars, bloodshed and death on BOTH sides of the Atlantic Ocean, we need to spend more time on PREVENTING wars than rushing into them like so many politicians and uber-military maniacs (the ones that support ALL wars no matter the reason).
In short, war should be a LAST resort, not the first. And sorry but our recent wars have been anything but honorable. This statement is not against those that fought (and died) because like I stated many times already, they probably did think they were fighting for their country, but these people have to do their research too and not ruch into wars that are only going to exploit, invade and kill people in another country. : /
I agree with your sentiments and share your disdain for our rush to imperialism. It’s hard to make such bold statements against our government in this age because patriotism has become the national religion and to speak against the government is synonymous with heresy. Again, loose terms like “racist” and “unpatriotic” are thrown at those that dare to see through the lies and speak out against what we know to be wrong. I’ve come to accept that and this blog is evidence of my dare to speak against the stream. I don’t post as much as I’d like in part because my actual life endeavors are time consuming, and my family is important to me. But this vein of thinking is precisely what prompted me to begin this blog in the first place.
I find this blogosphere to be a funny place. Hardly anything is fact anymore, because facts have been contorted so much. Thus everything is relegated as opinion and so easily written off or fought against. On top of that, timely relevance must collide with timeless rhetoric if there is any chance of the blog being read. Therefore I write less than I feel lead because I’m waiting for the right opportunity and topic to collide so that I can write something worthwhile that is a benefit to the readers.
Thank you for adding to the discussion.
You’re welcome! And thanks for being so respectful. Some people read what I say and twist my words making it sound like I don’t care or am even happy that my fellow countrymen died or were wounded when I feel the opposite. I feel bad that they had to die or get wounded because their own government or whatever else lied to them to make it seem like they were fighting for one thing when really the government always has its own agenda. (And I’m a socialist so I prefer government to big coproations but that doesn’t mean I think governments are perfect).
And I feel bad that so many people are made to feel bad or guilty simply because they want to enjoy their Memorial Day Weekend the way they want. If service members and their families don’t want “hippies” going to them to tell them not to make war or make them feel bad then why is it ok to go to people at the beach or a party or anywhere else or even on a blog and preach to THEM how to spend their day? (This is not against you but rather another ruder post on Facebook that was pretty much dripping with disdain for those people that didn’t spend their day at a memorial cemetary)
Well, I guess as with anything else, it all depends on what version of the truth people are getting fed. Well, I don’t know much about the Civil War and all I can say is that the North teaches us about the Civil War in one way and the South teaches it in another. But I do agree that many words gets thrown around without people knowing their true meaning.
Thanks for the entire dialogue. As a vet, Memorial Day is not a debate topic for me as I buried 17 friends due to Vietnam, an ancient, unpopular war at it’s ending. 17 wonderful men, for instance, my mid 20s class mate who had three children. Memorial Day is for me a day to remember them. Those who who have a fun weekend, joy, and my 17 would wish you party well as they can not. Personally it is a hard day.
For the historical expert on Vietnam, who states that war was always unpopular, do your research a bit better. I was a company commander in Vietnam during Christmas 1965, and my company received hundreds of Christmas cards from college women during the holiday. Some how my soldiers felt those young women were supporting them in that war, but maybe we were high on C rations or something and missed reality. At the end the war was unpopular, to the point where when I came home from Vietnam the last time, I was spit on but a young woman in a lovely fur coat(wearing a uniform made me a target), people threw eggs and tomatoes at the bus carrying us through San Francisco, and I was cursed in an airport waiting lounge by another “lady”.
Fortunately, the American public has been above that in these last two wars, yet the American public is still less that enthusiastic in supporting our young veterans, else why high veteran unemployment, budget cutting of personnel costs not weapons in the DoD budget etc?
The reality for this vet is that, if you support veterans who gave their lives for us, and the living veterans, DO SOMETHING for veterans, talk is nice but not useful.
Again…
You’re a Vietnam vet? Sorry for your loss and sorry that you had to get involved in a war that the USA should have NEVER been involved in. I don’t doubt that those people who served with you were wonderful people and I’m truly sorry that their families lost them.
I have NEVER stated I was a “historical expert” on the Vietnam War but I don’t have to be to know how hugely unpopular it was. It was. As were the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars. Please also understand that it was not JUST American soldiers that died. Especially American soldiers getting involved in OTHER countries’ wars. Most people today have a CHOICE if they wish to serve or not. OUR country isn’t the one that’s getting invaded or destroyed in these power struggles. I’m sorry if you feel differently but that’s what they are. There’s no country that’s on our doorstep getting ready to invade us. Fighting to defend our country is one thing, but getting caught up in other countries’ wars or wars for pool is VERY different to me. Sorry if you feel that I should “support” or “enjoy” raising our national debt, having our young people get injured or die in wars that COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. Sorry we live in a country where going to war is becoming increasingly the first option rather than the last resort. How ironic that vets and families of those who serve usually have such contempt for us “hippies” or those of us that fight desperately to NOT go to war in the FIRST PLACE rather than support a war that for all intents and purposes have nothing to do with us.
And people that are thinking about serving should do their research to see if the war in question is worth their sacrifice or not and if the country they wish to serve will then follow through and give benefits to them and their families which sadly many time, it does not. Those same people that are now talking about war with Iran or North Korea are the same ones that keep shooting down benefits programs for vets. I, however, have signed dozens of petitions to make sure that the programs can be passed. So maybe you should do YOUR research to make sure that the people YOU support (and fighting wars for) are the ones that are supporting you. Sadly, they’re not.
What am I doing for vets, you ask? If you must know, I’m trying to make sure we NEVER get involved in pointless, imperialist wars again. Or if we must, only as a last resort. Sorry if you think that’s doing nothing, but I for one want to make sure that if I or my loved ones HAVE to die, it really IS in defense of our country and NOT because some other country is having a civil war or for oil.
I NEVER wanted a war and have done my part to prevent more wars in the future. Those that seek war, however, will find it and it’s unfair the rest of us are made to feel guilty when we’re the ones that sought to avoid it in the first place and every time we wanted to protest and avoid we were condemned as “ungrateful” or “not supporting our vets.” Well, I refuse to feel guilty. If you want to avoid having you or your family and friends die, maybe next time go and protest said war with the rest of us. Make sure your senators and Congress KNOW that they will not support the war. Use your energy in THAT manner rather going into another country to do what we would never accept another country doing in ours.
THAT’S how I spent MY Memorial Day. Next time, let’s spend it AVOIDING wars rather than celebrating wars.
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother, and yet I’m Praising God that you developed a great relationship with him and that your brother had an amazing unpack in your life… I appreciate your story, I came from a military family and it’s true many Americans don’t understand the history or difference between Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day… Knowledge is power, the more we learn the better we understand and appreciate… again I’m sorry for your loss. Be of good courage, because there is hope in Jesus, according to the bible in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 it say the dead in Christ shall rise first and we which are alive when Jesus comes will meet our loved one in the clouds in the air, so be of good courage, let’s stay on the right pathway so we too might have a right to eternal life, the bible says comfort one another with these words… Be bless love In Christ, Leona
Thank you for writing. And sharing. It is not a natural thing to voluntarily bring pain back to the surface, but sometimes necessary. If we dont, no matter what it is, we are doomed to relive it. I caught myself pushing that pain away last night as I was watching stories on the Gulf War, and wondering what exactly is the purpose for soldiers to still be over there. I lost a brother July 2004, just after the fall of the statue of Husayn. I thought he would be coming home, but he didn’t. I have another still in service, but I don’t know why. Is so important that we know a a nation why we snd our men to fight, and that it not be in vain. Prayers to you and your family, friend.
You’re one heck of a writer bro.